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 Post subject: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:17 am 
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Seriously, your shit is big time fucked

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2018 4:06 pm 
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Next time on Hard Science with Joland Turner


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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 1:56 am 
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Ricky "Turbodick" Stefan sat in his one-bedroom apartment 6PM on a Wednesday. He owned one rocking chair and it sat in the middle of the threadbare room. He faced it such a way so that the jaundiced evening sun would strike it with maximum effect. He hoped he would get a tan, or at the very least, skin cancer.

He had nowhere to go and nothing to do. No one knew he was even alive.

Traffic outside his window beep-beeped and he knew with utter certainty that his shit was well and truly fucked.

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 6:08 am 
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+1

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 10:39 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2018 4:44 am 
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Quote:
Ricky "Turbodick" Stefan sat in his one-bedroom apartment 6PM on a Wednesday. He owned one rocking chair and it sat in the middle of the threadbare room. He faced it such a way so that the jaundiced evening sun would strike it with maximum effect. He hoped he would get a tan, or at the very least, skin cancer.

He had nowhere to go and nothing to do. No one knew he was even alive.

Traffic outside his window beep-beeped and he knew with utter certainty that his shit was well and truly fucked.


Bandwidth "Bandy" Bandowitz knew he'd had too many that evening, but was too injudicious to summon an uber. "If I ride home in an uber, how the fuck will I get my car back in the morning?" he'd told his stunned colleagues at the local Kindergarten, "Fucking idiots."

Suddenly a large truck appeared out of nowhere. Or at least it seemed to in Bandwidth's eyes. In reality he was running a red light.

"Beep beep!" said the truck, but it was too late.

"My shit is well and truly fucked," were Bandwidth's last thoughts.

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2018 5:13 am 
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Omg






!

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2018 10:49 pm 
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rip in peace


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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 9:07 am 
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Osiris "Superbeef" Sommers looked Perdo in the eyes with resolve. Pedro's clear latino complexion was intimidating, and Osiris clenched his fists, determined to mar it.

"You can't force me"

Pedro and his gang's smirk told him all he needed to know. Since ending up in supermax for the accidental murder and rape of 3 young men, his life had taken an unexpected turn for the worse

"Beep beep, motherfucker", as the prison clown walked in, honking his nose.

Little did he know, his shit was already well and truly fucked.

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 1:47 pm 
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Top quality

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 4:49 pm 
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Lol accidental murder and rape.


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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 7:19 pm 
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Basinx wrote:
Lol accidental murder and rape.



Funny shit

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:16 am 
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Millions of men had answered Elon Musk's call, but ultimately only one brave pioneer had the genetic chops to begin the colonization of Mars and the creation of a new Master Race.

Basin "X" Basinstein lean back in the Captain's chair of his cockpit, gazing down at the rapidly approaching Red Planet, wondering what future mankind had in store. Behind him, in cyro-stasis, lay twelve of the most immaculate women the Old World had had to offer, each specifically bred to be totally chill and appropriately bi-curious. When at last their space journey was complete, the colonization process would begin and Basin would father a new humanity that was free from the excesses of the Old World.

As he smiled with anticipation, there was a sudden noise. "Beep! Beep! Beep!" went the alarms in the ship. What was this? A proximity alert! His ship was on a direct course with an asteroid! As he struggled in vain to take evasive action, Basin punched up a direct channel to SpaceX lunar headquarters.

"Situation Report: My shit is well and truly fucked."

The expedition was never heard from again.

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Last edited by Naelok on Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2018 2:01 pm 
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Appropriately bi curious lol

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:29 am 
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Standing victorious over the planet Ideliasan, Brother Librarian Sputnik "Sputs" Sputtersman of the Ultramarines knew that his day had come.

Having personally banished the Archdaemon Ko'tora'ver back to the Warp with his almighty psychic powers, he had proved himself to be an exemplary fighter in even this most exemplary of Chapters. His name would be spoken in the same breaths as Cato Sicarius, Galatan the Ancient, Almighty Tigarius and Jeb the Dickpuncher. At long last, the respect he so richly deserved would be his and the Emperor's foes would quake at his coming.

As he attached a fifth Purity Seal to his Sacred Power Armour, a sudden beeping erupted in his Vox Channel, Priority Alpha Omegus 00. Snapping to attention, the Librarian hefted his mighty staff and clasped it tightly.

"Well Brother Sputnik," a familiar voice intoned. Could it be? It was the Archdaemon Ko'tora'ver! "We meet again."

"I just banished you like yesterday!" Sputnik shouted, "Fuck your shit!"

"On the contrary, good Librarian," the Archdaemon sneered, "It is your shit that is well and truly fucked."

The great maw of the Warp opened and the daemons descended on Ideliasan once more and before sunrise the Archdaemon's words would be proven to be extremely correct.

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 5:53 am 
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The heavy set smog of down town Halifax garnished the magenta skies of a late summers evening like an off-brand window tinting. The whole crew was there and they were up to their usual no good activities as they cruised down 54th street with six people crammed in their car.

Carlito was in the middle rear seat as he leaned forward to fuck with the dials in the front of the car. Marlo was cursing about the car ahead of him as he flipped off the seventy something woman a blue suburban.

"Yo hold up", Samantha moved forward and tapped her hand on Carlito's arm, "go back to that station."

Carlito flipped back to 76.9 The Beast where Joey Sockdrawer was giving a newscast in his token overtoned drawl.

".. the robbery was witnessed by a witness who described them thusly. If you heard of them you should call us, or the police, whatever."

They all quieted down and paid attention to the newscast.

"No way", Marlo said as he twitched his eyes to the side, seeing the same look of concern on Jason's face.

"...the owner of Loey's Loans has provided a description of the robbers and describes them and sort of tall with hair, adding that maybe one was a girl."

"Holy shit, hair?", Jason jumped a little in his seat as he said, "sort of tall? You don't think?"

"Fuck sake", Marlo slammed his fist on the steering wheel, "I'm sort of tall!"

"No way, we took every precaution", Jessica looked up from her game boy advance, "Are you hearing yourselves? They have fuck all to go on."

Carlito looked over at Jessica and shook the game boy out of her hand violently, "You fucking cunt, how the fuck did they know I had hair?"

Jessica elbowed in Carlito's direction angrily, "Fuck off, we all have hair except Pablo."

Suddenly Carlito's eyes widened, "Your right. Pablo doesn't have hair! Stop the car and pop the trunk."

They got out of the car and opened the trunk, where they usually kept Pablo, but there was no Pablo to be found. Only a note, crudely scrawled in blood:

Haha you fuckers, I tipped off the witness because you are all assholes to me, now, who is the asshole?

They all gasped, grasping the final gravity of how well and truly fucked they were.


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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 7:59 am 
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I have been waiting for weeks for a Basin reply to this thread. I am not disappointed.

I was hoping it would star me though. So I guess I am a little bit disappointed.

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:23 pm 
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Oh shit i forgot that most post in this thread do that

I have no recourse!!


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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:48 pm 
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Hello Naelok, I am confused

You say you want a story to "star yourself"

However, all stories so far have involved completely fictitious individuals.

I don't understand your meaning?

pls explain

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 Post subject: Re: You guys are fucked
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 3:50 am 
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Grand Duke Osirian "Superb" Beefelius looked down upon the Commoners from the Great Tower of Arestania. Below him, the rabble had gathered, bearing torches and pitchforks with insolent defiance. They had called it tyranny when he had implemented the Sexy Babes Mandatory Miniskirt Act, but Osirian knew that these unenlightened masses were simply behind the times. He shook his head as the Rabble shouted for his head and cast the Loudening spell on his voice.

"Foolish Peasants!" Osirian declared, "You are nothing more than a steaming pile of shit before me! Shit that I shall flush down the toilet bowl of history!"

The Peasants screamed defiance and a single man stepped forward. "Tyrant!" he shouted with his own Loudening spell, "I am Sir Beepington the Third. We have put up with your bullshit for too long! Prepare to have your shit well and truly fucked."

"Hah!" Osirian scoffed, drawing his Ancient Sword: The Dawnslayer. "Such insolence! Come then, Champion... and we shall see who does the shit fucking around here!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

(Spoiler: Osirian lost)

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